Sometimes it last in Love but sometimes it hurts instead.
To Unknown,
On this very date of 20th April it marks our 52th Monthsary. After being with you for so long, i could really sense the change in you and this relationship. Maybe before this i did not know how to pour out this unhappiness in me to you or maybe i did, but in a harsh way. So, the least i could do now is to type it all out here for you to read...
Our relationship started out in the year 2007, the year you and me were still schooling. From classmates in 2006, we became an item in 2007. Do you remember how sweet we were? All the smses and phonecalls every single day. Sometimes we would just skipped school to catch movie together. You'd fetched me from boonlay and we traveled to school by bus for a good 2hrs journey. Breakfast before heading straight to school. Sharing lunch in school. Fighting in school and you would then make the effort to come to boonlay straight from school just to find me and settle our dispute. The first surprise you gave me at my void deck. Happy moments we had in class playing games. Everything.
Soon after, school ended and we started to grow to be adults. You, to the army and me working part time before joining school again. From that very moment you first joined the army, we grow more and more distant from each other. You'd left me waiting for you again and again. My heart breaks being left alone most of the time, and yes i do admit i envy some of my friends who had their partner being by their side when mine were far away from me. I hate it more when i couldn't complain much but to just try to understand that you left me for work purposes. I stayed, i kept waiting, i didn't gave up, i learned to be more patient, i grow to adapt with changes, i grow to understand that i cant have u by my side 24/7. But there's one promise which i am still holding on to till now. A promise that says "no matter how old our relationship grow, my treatment towards you will never change".
Nevertheless, somehow or rather it did changed. And too bad for me it became worst after you owe that car. You might not realize the change 'cause you're not the one who have to face it. Before oweing a car, we were much more happier. Our Saturdays was not disturbed, our travelling journey were not limited. Our time spent together in a day were longer. Even if we argued, you would make the effort to come by my place by PUBLIC TRANSPORT to just clear the dispute between us. Wheneva you're not working or have a free time, you would picked me up from anywhere, be it from school or from work. 'Cause you just wanna spend any free time of yours with me, JUST THE TWO OF US. But then, slowly things changed. You became busier with work. You knew i could adapt with your absence, you knew i could manage on my own and so u neglected me without realizing. Because of that, i started to find attention from elsewhere. Yes i was still loving you but i couldnt get enough attention from you, when all i need is to just feel the love in return by getting your attention. And that time, i made a wrong move. I went out with another guy and things happened. You forgave me for that and we start afresh. You promised that you'll never make me feel alone again.
Unfortunately for me, it happened again. Work caught you up. And at that point, my feelings were totally gone for you without me realizing. I didnt care about you or this relationship. I grow lazier to entertain you. I prioritized my friends more. I got pissed off with you easily. I scolded you for no reason, but still, you didnt gave up on me. You went all out to make sure i fall for you again. You tried to win my love again. You made promises again. With all that effort, my feelings blossom for you once more with one hope; that you'll never disappoint me ever again.
Now, you're back to who you were months back or maybe worst. And we are so far from what we were years back. You're not only busy with work now, you're also busy with your family. Too busy that at times you did not know how to divide your time well. And all u would ask me to do is to understand your situation as a son and a brother in that family. Why not ask your family members to understand your situation as my boyfriend and understand me as your girlfriend whom need some of your time too and whom you've neglected most of the time because of them? You've neglected me so much till some days you would go without even bothering to text or call me. You left me hanging without even trying to understand how i'm feeling not having anything to do at home and to feel the loneliness, having no one to share my problems or just to talk with. That's when i just feel, even by having a boyfriend doesnt make any difference to being single. You'd find me only when u feel the need to do so. Yes u did still made the effort to go out with me and do things for me, but is it even the same like how it used to be? Where is our usual date on Saturdays? Where has our Date in the day till late nights gone to? Where is our usual catching up session via phonecalls? Where has all the daily smses gone to? Where has your effort to console me gone to? Where is your patience and tolerance for me? Where is my sweet old boyfriend? Where is the man whom has once made me feel that i couldnt find better? just where the hell is he??
Every single time you would beg for my understanding but have u eva tried to understand me intead? You'd say u love me, you still need me in your life but what is words without actions? If you need me so much, why do i feel that im fighting to get your attention. Its like, im the one who needs you and not vice versa.
For that every unhappiness that i felt, is the reason why im giving up on you and this relationship. Im exhausted enough. For now, im very sure you could manage your life without me. Im sorry but i cant be that understanding girlfriend of yours anymore. I have no more patience. I know you could find someone better than me who could make you happy and understand you better than i could. From this very moment, we are free from each other. Thank you for all the sacrifices you've made in the past. Thank you for everything u've spent for me. Thank you for your time. Lastly, thank you for your love. Memories of us stays in me forever.
Goodbye Love~
~
